Tuesday, May 31, 2005

New job for Leo

One of the disadvantages of being a dog is that I don't get to read today's paper today - I have to wait until it's on the floor - so this is a reaction to news most of you saw a couple days ago: the FAA is looking into some new screening equipment that would let those screeners (who aren't allowed to grope people anymore) actually see through your clothes. The admitted problem, though, is that it can't see through skin: people with wrinkles and folds like a Shar Pei (or people with body cavities) can still pass through security with all manner of dangerous things concealed.

Leo, the Rottweiler across the back fence, is under-employed (even though he went to one of those la-te-da private schools for the privileged registered pups). But he's a sniffer. He's good at sticking his nose in wrinkles and folds. He's good at finding what people are trying to keep private. Beta says he's disgusting. Alpha just pushes him away and laughs, then reminds me what a good dog I am because I show more respect than that to two-legged dogs. Unfortunately, that leaves me out of the job I have in mind for Leo.

Anyway, here's my proposal: let's put Leo to work at the airport. He comes out ahead, because he gets out of the yard for a few hours, and so does the FAA: Leo stands with the ex-groper by the line of folks going through security, and he puts his nose wherever he wants. The people who object or act uncomfortable obviously have something to hide, and need to be detained as probable terrorists.

Leo wouldn't be any more intrusive, and ten bones says he'd be more effective, than the current system or the machines that see through clothes.

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