I won the lottery

I know. If I were a true American patriot, I would be watching the football game right now. And then the second half of the double-header, and then Chicago-Dallas after dinner. But I simply can't contain myself, for I am now rich. Check out the e-mail I just got:

Ticket No: 12033

Lucky No: 425448/7785
YOUR WINNING DETAILS
Ref No: CHN/2551256007/11
Batch No: 14/0017/IPD
serial No: GMLA2-003
Ticket No: 12033.
Contact Claim Agent: infostaatssec@netscape.net

Attn: Lottery Winner,

FINAL NOTICE NOTIFICATION.

We are pleased to inform you of the result of the staatsloterij.nl lottery programs held on 2th of June 2007 with your e-mail address attached to one of the winning ticket numbers. You have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out of 500,000,00 euros (Five Hundred Thousand Euros) CONGRATULATIONS!!!All participants were selected through a computer ballot system from our sponsors databases, including over 50,000 companies and 150,000 individual E-mail addresses and names submitted by our agents drawn from Asia, Africa, Europe, North And South America and around the world.

To begin your claim, do file for the release of your winning by contacting our accredited agent:

Mr. Davide Hoofdall

Foreign Transfer Manager,
Tel: 0031-626-305-301

Fax: 0031-847-249-650
Email: infostaatssec@netscape.net

NOTE: All winnings must be notarized to complete the claim process; winners will be referred to a Foreign Transfer Manager, to have their winnings notarized, all winners are to cover the legal charges not STAATSLOTERIJ. NL,Please note that you will be required to pay for the issuance of your winning certificate and all winnings must be claimed not later than 13th of October 2007,after this date all unclaimed winnings will be null and void. In Order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications remember to quote your reference number and batch numbers in all correspondence. Furthermore, should there be any change of address do inform our agents as soon as possible.

You are advised to call your claim agent and also provide him with the following information:

You Names:
Phone/Fax number:
Nationality:
Ref Number:
Batch Number:
Ticket Number:

Congratulations once more and thank you for being part of our promotional program.note: Anybody under the age of 18 is automatically disqualified.

Yours faithfully

Mrs.Sintia Morgan Smailar,
Contact your claims agent Mr.Davide Hoofdall at infostaatssec@netscape.net.

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Dit Deze mail is verzonden via web.nl Web.nl Mail

Somehow, I thought all of this crap was supposed to originate in Nigeria, rather than in the pseudo-Netherlands. Of course, if there were an American scamster who actually understood or spoke a foreign language well enough to understand how they might butcher English if they didn't know it well, I might get nervous. This faker has no clue, and needs to spend some months studying under the Nigerians.

I can maybe save some time, though.

First, pick a name that might actually show up in an Amsterdam phone book. "Hoofdall" doesn't cut it. Let me suggest "Geldopsturen Alstublieft." See? That took very little imagination, and at least I had the sense to butcher the language while I was at it.

And maybe this person should learn how to punctuate monetary units, too. 500,000,00 is wrong everywhere: one of those commas should be a decimal point; which one is arguable, depending on your culture. Unless, of course, we're talking half a billion Euros instead of half a million. In that case, it's missing a 0.

Oh, well. They say we shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. Maybe I'm being too picky.