Tuesday, January 24, 2006

World's Worst Dog

I may have to pick up a copy of this book. It's called Marley & Me: Life and Love With the World's Worst Dog, and tells the tale of Marley (duh) and his humans, John Grogan and family.

John says Marley "crashed through screen doors with alarming regularity. He went berserk during thunderstorms, destroying everything in his path. He stole food off the dinner table, slobbered incessantly, drank from the toilet bowl, and ate bath towels, sponges, socks, used tissues, plastic toys, furniture, speaker covers, paychecks, even an expensive gold necklace."

Now some of those behaviors I could probably have helped Marley avoid. Maybe just the screen door one. Maybe not even that. Maybe I'd have been along side him yelling, "Go, Marley! You do it, dawg!"

The thunderstorm thing has to be genetic: some dogs have it, most dogs don't. For that matter, some kids have it, but most don't. See? It's genetic. Nothing I could do about that one.

Stealing food off the dinner table? I don't, personally. I wait in the bedroom until I'm called for my meager portion. I've just learned that it's better to avoid temptation. But I certainly understand the urge to snarf down a pot-roast, even if it is cooked. I do, however, a pretty fair job of wiping up the first eight inches of the kitchen counter, when given the chance.

Marley was about half again as big as I am, but I ate a towel once, too. It came back up on the kitchen floor, and that's the last I saw of that towel.

I haven't tried speaker covers. I haven't tried jewelry. And mostly I stay away from the toilet unless someone is sitting on it, desperately in need of a dog to scratch.

The other things, quite honestly, are either tasty or fun to eat. Ate a $20 bill once. Was nice and crunchy in the beginning, but there wasn't much flavor and it got mushy too fast, so I left all the pieces on the floor in disgust.

Used tissues? I'm the disposal.

Plastic toys? What do you mean those are for the grandkids?? If it's on the floor it's fair game, dude.

Haven't had a sock in a long time...

There's just such a fine line between being "the world's worst dog" as Marley has been labeled, and being a truly fine dog such as me. And if Marley was truly so bad, why have the Grogan's already gotten a new yellow lab?


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3 Comments:

Blogger anybody said...

'Round here, used tissues are what we call "candy"! mmm...good!

11:26 PM  
Blogger Fred said...

As soon as the noise starts from thunderstoms, our dog heads for the bathtub and sits it out. Weird, but true.

7:58 PM  
Blogger chosha said...

Our dog used to cower during thunderstorms - one of the few times he was allowed inside.

1:05 PM  

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