Dependable income in a dire economy

According to The Onion, America's favorite source for the facts about what's going on, shooting hoops is now the most reliable way to make a living.

Now, I know that "The Tournament" starts in just a couple of days, so come Thursday, 32 people will have a chance to make their nut for the year, and I commend them.

But I have a critical holiday to get through tomorrow before I'm ready: 164 years ago tomorrow, the rubber band was patented. So we're going to drive out to Lenny's Bar and Grill and SwapMeet, and have us a couple of beige beers. And some fried potatoes that might have been green on the edges before they were dropped in the grease, to go with a couple of burgers that are red in the middle.